Christmas time

Christmas Party, ITSRH, Helsingborg

Excellent news!

Santa left me a brand new cricket bat in my stocking last night. It appears to be a used bat, but it's still in good condition. It's a Quaife (never heard of it personally, must be a budget manufacturer maybe?) and came with a little note saying...

"Take care of this bat,
Take it slow, treat it fair,
The previous owner,
Didn't hit off the square."

What a strange message. I wonder who owned it before? I wonder if I'll ever know?

Anyway, I went straight out with Bjorn and tried it out for size. It felt good to have my own bat in my hands again after so long.

Awards Night

Dining Hall, ITSRH, Helsingborg

It's been a short season but we've all worked very hard to make it happen at all. While Matron Ingrid was away, we planned a little celebration for our fledgling cricket team. An Awards Night!

Our first ever awards went to...

Top batting average: Bjorn Bjornsson
Best bowling: Bjorn Svenbjorn
Most catches: Bjorn Kolbjorn
Best player not called Bjorn: Me! By default really, but a trophy is a trophy, so they say.

Defiance

Helsingborg Harbour

Finally, our return match against Stockholm CC. It might not be the best place for a game and I certainly dont fancy fielding at deep mid-on, but cricket in the frozen harbour makes for a great escape from Matron Ingrid.

Cricket in Helsingborg Harbour certainly brings a whole new meaning to slip fielding!

Matron Ingrid

Ward 9, International Tourette Syndrome Research Hospital, Helsingborg

Bad news.

Dr Bjorn has left the hospital. My replacement caseworker will be Matron Ingrid. She has immediately banned me and the Bjorns from playing cricket. She believes cricket is an evil English creation and must never be played on Swedish soil (like she's ever seen Swedish soil! It's always covered in snow!)

The Bjorns and I have a plan though.

Tourists arrive

Cricket Pitch, ITSRH, Helsingborg

The team from Birmingham, England has arrived and it turns out they're from Moseley. F*****g b*****d w****r c**t s**t b******s, I'll kill him, I'll f*****g kill him, the b*****d! He's a dead man! A b****y dead man!

I must apologise for my previous diary entry this month. Dr Bjorn was forced to sedate me again after he heard me ranting and raving on the ward. We dont know what caused the outburst, but I've been confined to bed and will continue to be heavily sedated until further notice.

First game

Stockholm Cricket Club

Excellent news! We have travelled to Stockholm to see how they manage to play cricket despite Sweden's weather conditions.

It seems the done thing is to place a mat upon the snow as a substitute wicket. The going does get tough, but hey, cricket is cricket wherever it's played.



Me and the 10 Bjorns may have lost today, but we're looking forward to the arrival of the tourists from England next month.

Bjorn dives for a catch in the outfield

I spoke to Dr Bjorn this week and he is satisfied that as long as I can avoid any more outbursts for the coming few months, then I can return home as I'll no longer be of use to the research hospital.

Pitch prep - Helsingborg style

Cricket Pitch, ITSRH, Helsingborg

Unfortunately our opening fuxture has been cancelled due to a frozen pitch. Well, we think it's frozen, only we cant find it under all the snow.

Bjorn's cousin, Bjorn has a contact in Birmingham though, who he says plays for a prominent team over there. Apparently they are looking for a unique kind of cricket tour this year. Provided we dont mention the price of beer, we might be able to get them over to play us.

Sedation required

Chief Doctor's Cunsulting Room, ITSRH, Helsingborg

Today didn't go well. I've copied Dr Bjorn's notes from the meeting below...

Dr Bjorn: Alex, this is the chief doctor here at the hospital. He will have the final say on whether you are fit enough to leave.

Alex: OK

Dr Bjorn: OK Alex. This is Dr Myles

Dr Myles: Morning Alex, how are you today?

Alex: Good morning Dr Myles. Myles? MILES! F*****g w****r! I'm going to kill you, you b*****d! C**t! A**e-licker! B*****d!

Dr Myles: Keep this man away from me Dr Bjorn, Sedate him at once!


I still don't know what happened to me in there. It's as if an unknown power took possesion of me!

A grand day

ITSRH Cricket Club, Helsingborg

The grand day has arrived, we have a cricket club.

Bjorn and his friend Bjorn contacted one of the senior Doctors here, Prof. Bjorn, and talked him into getting the hospital to fund the building of some facilities within the grounds. We are looking to play our first game sometime in June.

On the personal front my caseworker, Dr Bjorn has got together with Prof. Bjorn to discuss my future here. In the 4 months I've been resident I've shown no signs of Tourette's and they think I should be able to return home. They've set up a meeting with the head doctor for next month.

The beginning...

International Tourette Syndrome Research Hospital, Helsingborg, Sweden.

Why am I here? Stuck in this hospital and being examined each day by various people, every last one of them called Bjorn?

For some reason they think I have Tourette Syndrome which is ridiculous as I haven't felt the need to even utter a single word of foul language since I left England.

Still, as they have an order from the Government to keep me here for research purposes until I'm 'cured', I suppose I should make the most of the situation. I have been speaking to Bjorn in the next ward and we are going to set up a hospital cricket team.